Commerical Redux

Dear Sir or Madam:

            I received your e-mail that our new “Toasty Torpedo” add is not working to the effect that we imagined. I am here to tell you just what we were thinking and humbly suggest an alternative or two.

            Firstly, I would like to tell you what our reasoning behind the success of this commercial was: our studies showed that, in this day in age, sex is a very large part of younger people’s lives. With that being said, our goal was to attain a “new level” of sexual innuendo, thereby forcing younger audiences to remember just what ethos that commercial created in them. As the commercial was attempting to be funny, we figured, through intensive research, the fact that the oven had a male voice and the chef was a male would have no effect than if a woman’s voice was used. We feel that, if a woman’s voice was used, it may have crossed the line. The emotion that this commercial evokes in someone is that of utter shock. We WANT the double-take as it is the most effective form of remembering, as our studies have shown. Although we feel that readers should not get a “sexual” emotion when thinking about Quizno’s “Toasty Torpedo” we feel that the strong innuendo coupled with the fresh ingredients and perfect sandwiches as shown in the commercial would do more than their fair share of appealing to an audience of young adults.

            The logos is clear. It is logical to assume, and very true according to many respected studies, that sex is a large part of college and high school students lives. It is logical to assume that a “sexual” commercial would draw them to the new “Toasty Torpedo” like bears to honey. Also it is logical to assume that the average college/high school student is not likely to have ample funds. With that being said, the thought that a 4 dollar foot-long sub would do wonders to feed a hungry student and subsequently not dent their wallet substantially.

            Before I go into possible changes to the commercial I would like to point out that the add has gotten over 250,000 views along with comments that exactly fit our goal here. For example, “well, they leaned from Abercombie & Fitch: homo-eroticism sells well to young straight males,” was one of the comments and some even know where we got the oven scene from: “this is a homoerotic SPOOF of the Hal and David dialog from 2001 Space Odyssey! Did you catch the whole Red light and all?”

            Now, as I know you are concerned that this commercial is not working to its full potential I have come up with a few ideas that might make it work. Firstly, I believe we should switch the commercial from HGTV, E!, WE, and Food Network Channels to MTV, VH1, ESPN, and SpikeTV. I believe this change alone will cause a drastic increase in sales. If that does not work however: I am fully prepared to rewrite the entire commercial to fit other things that students would enjoy. For example, a group of students at a party could get hungry and go to Quizno’s for a “Toasty Torpedo” or a group of college males could be playing video games and suddenly become famished and look to a “Toasty Torpedo” for satisfaction. I could also go to our original plan and make a commercial full of fresh vegetables and breads of assorted varieties to show the quality of our sandwiches. And if all else fails, we can kick the homoerotic speak and just have a talking oven advertise for us. I would ask for 3 months of air-time on my suggested television channels to see if this indeed does the trick.

            I hope these suggestions will show my level of dedication to this commercial and the well-being of any Quizno’s establishment. Thank you for considering my position.

Sincerely, Ben